I was accosted by a paedophile today, a small Indian man in a wheelchair who took it upon himself to try and put me in a wheelchair by crushing my shins against the side of the bus. It made me wonder if this is how they reproduce? he then vigorously rubbed my knee for longer than needed going 'SORRY LAD' I think we're now married.
Then an old man who looked like a mole asked me if I'd been to New Zealand, now this isn't something i often get asked on the bus so i just looked at him considering pretending to be polish, then realised he wasn't just staring at my crotch (this was descending into some sort of perverts day out...) and he was reading the canterbury logo, I think he thought they were some sort of souvenir? I ended up teaching him some Danish, we bonded.
Needless to say I'm never getting on the number 17 again.
on a brighter note.
http://www.facebook.com/pages/I-hate-bread-LOL-JK-im-Jamie-Willis/128660957150126
has to be the funniest thing on the internet.
Thursday, 27 May 2010
Monday, 3 May 2010
HAPPY BIRTHDAY KINGSTON!
get ready for another quality blog coming at you faster than herpes in Ibiza readers...
I dont think may people will be able to relate to the embarrassment of being invited to a party and having to ask for a plus one,
for your dog.
thats right, my dog is apparently incapable of being left alone in the house at night according to my mam, presumably it's scared of the dark? if it was up to me I would just slap it and call it a puff.
how could you say no to those puppy dog eyes james! you know she would have been the life and soul of the party, but, canineless, i trudged along, dog in house, dad's drink in hand, the twenty quid to stay in and dog sit in my pocket. had a birra boot with kiz-topher, and blinded libby with lager.
on a more serious note, has anyone seen Cleo?
I dont think may people will be able to relate to the embarrassment of being invited to a party and having to ask for a plus one,
for your dog.
thats right, my dog is apparently incapable of being left alone in the house at night according to my mam, presumably it's scared of the dark? if it was up to me I would just slap it and call it a puff.
how could you say no to those puppy dog eyes james! you know she would have been the life and soul of the party, but, canineless, i trudged along, dog in house, dad's drink in hand, the twenty quid to stay in and dog sit in my pocket. had a birra boot with kiz-topher, and blinded libby with lager.
on a more serious note, has anyone seen Cleo?
Dear readers,
my blog isn't of as high a calibre as it originally was back in the Adit bashing days and loyal fans, i would like to apologise and take this moment to henceforth bring to you the very best in high grade blogging, lewy's right, the honeymoon period should have never ended...
Jamie's idea of doing 'a day in the life of dan' is a good one, but obviously every day, one day over and over wouldnt be that good.
but unlike Anne Frank i'm not stuck in an attic waiting for my turn to go to the ash tray, and unlike Ben mitchell on eastenders i have no secret gay crushes to write about, but, i'l give it a go
THE DIARY OF DAN FRANK. - take one
POLITICS
not as exciting as Nazis and periods but what do you expect. anyway, the long and short of it, there was some lib dem at Monument, (Ron Beadle - if he's elected he'll fight 'tooth and nail' for circuses? not the way to reach out to the electorate i would have thought, maybe hes after the monster loony vote?) so we took part in his rally, got on look north, then nicked off with his illuminous orange sign, feeling like we'd truly played a part in democracy.
LEE
APPI BURFFDAI! * all grown up, still capable of being outsmarted by a twelve week old labradoodle though. thanks for the party, and the extra sausage!
I was black for the day too, walking through Jarrow blacked up carrying a pineapple and a coconut is terrifying, the locals have never seen a black man before, never mind tropical fruit. i was pelted with stones.
SMOKING
harley has pushed me to the edge, she's got me under so much stress I have no choice but to take up smoking, i've got patches and everything, little sticky charts, i'm hoping to be on 20 a day by next wednesday...
i'm ten marlboro red down already though, i just can't work out where to put them, or what end to set alight, if anyone knows how give me a bell!
Jamie's idea of doing 'a day in the life of dan' is a good one, but obviously every day, one day over and over wouldnt be that good.
but unlike Anne Frank i'm not stuck in an attic waiting for my turn to go to the ash tray, and unlike Ben mitchell on eastenders i have no secret gay crushes to write about, but, i'l give it a go
THE DIARY OF DAN FRANK. - take one
POLITICSnot as exciting as Nazis and periods but what do you expect. anyway, the long and short of it, there was some lib dem at Monument, (Ron Beadle - if he's elected he'll fight 'tooth and nail' for circuses? not the way to reach out to the electorate i would have thought, maybe hes after the monster loony vote?) so we took part in his rally, got on look north, then nicked off with his illuminous orange sign, feeling like we'd truly played a part in democracy.
LEE
APPI BURFFDAI! * all grown up, still capable of being outsmarted by a twelve week old labradoodle though. thanks for the party, and the extra sausage!
I was black for the day too, walking through Jarrow blacked up carrying a pineapple and a coconut is terrifying, the locals have never seen a black man before, never mind tropical fruit. i was pelted with stones.
SMOKING
harley has pushed me to the edge, she's got me under so much stress I have no choice but to take up smoking, i've got patches and everything, little sticky charts, i'm hoping to be on 20 a day by next wednesday...
i'm ten marlboro red down already though, i just can't work out where to put them, or what end to set alight, if anyone knows how give me a bell!
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